Everyone has one, that social glue person. A hero friend who just seems to be more thoughtful, or better at friend-ing than the average person. But could you learn to be that hero friend too?
What is a Hero Friend?
Hero friend is a term I just made up. But what I mean by it is someone who possesses certain characteristics that cross over between what it means to be a good friend and what it means to be a hero, such as:
Bravery/Confidence
A hero friend is not afraid to stick their neck out. Whether that’s by suggesting a new social activity that others might be embarrassed to try (quidditch tournament anyone?). Being first to commit to plans that no one else has signed up to. Or having an awkward conversation in order to protect a friend.
Selflessness
Being the organiser is no one’s favourite job. But some people possess the generosity to push through and do it anyway, because they can put other people’s long-term happiness before their own short-term pain.
Strengths/Competency
Whether its board game night, a group holiday or your surprise birthday party, a hero friend will execute with skill. They are most likely an allrounder. Organised and precise but with the emotional intelligence and negotiation skills to overcome obstacles.
Positivity
Positivity is the secret ingredient in social glue. No one is drawn to negativity, so hero friends are always positive people who people want to be in a room with. And there is actual scientific research on how this transfers to heroism. In a study into personalities, researchers found that people who had received awards for heroism were more likely to put a positive spin on negative events. It was this mindset that allowed them to push through adversity.
What Happens Without Hero Friends?
Nothing. Because they are the ones keeping everything together!
A few years back my number one hero friend moved to Canada. Because she’s a hero, I still felt her presence as she messaged to check in on me, organised catch-up zooms throughout Covid and shipped handmade presents for my kids’ birthdays across the ocean.
But there was a serious hole in the friendship group she left behind. Organising a social event is now like herding hermit cats. A meet-up suggestion on our Whats App group is met with tumbleweeds.
So what do you do if you don’t have a hero friend? You’ve got to find one or become one.
Can you Learn to be a Better Friend?
I should clarify that I have very much not made it to hero friend status yet. I’m forgetful, I get my head lost in work and if I make even the smallest effort I feel furious when it’s not reciprocated. However, I have positivity and confidence, so I’m working on the selflessness and competence.
I surveyed some hero friends (and some regular friends too) for words of wisdom about how I could be a better friend. Ideally without resenting all the extra time and effort I need to put in. They responded with some gold (obviously, because they’re great friends).
“we’re becoming more aware of the need to make time for our health. Well, our friends keep us healthy. Mentally and physically. So, taking care of your friendships is also about taking care of yourself.”
“Whoever comes are the right people. Don’t get annoyed about the people who didn’t reply or the ones who flaked out, you don’t know what’s going on for them. The people who came were the people who wanted to be there, so they were the right people. The people who weren’t feeling up for it did you a favour by bailing”
“Remember how much you missed people during Covid? Well now we’re living the life we were dreaming of back then, I try and remember that.”
“Just diarise fun with friends as if you were at work. It seems like it would kill the fun, but actually it means you purposely make time for it.”
“If you’re thinking “I should really check in on so-and-so at some point”, just do it right then. It takes 10 seconds to write a text. And probably only 10 minutes to have a phone call, what else were you going to do with that time?”
What do Hero Friends have to do with Board Games?
This probably seems like a weird blog to find on a board game website. But Two Faced’s business is all about bringing people together. Our company motto is “play makes us happy”, the important word there being ‘us’. So we’re always interested in examining relationships and what makes them stronger. This is the first of our blogs on that topic and it feels right to celebrate those everyday heroes who achieve our goals, with bravery, selflessness, positivity and without feeling the need to set up a board game company to do it!
If you’d like to celebrate your friends check out our social media throughout October 24, where there’ll be giveaways for you and your heroes.